| Wow...my last entry was about being excited for summer, and as I sit typing this, I leave for Greenville in 5 days. This summer has been life-changing to say the least..and I haven't done much.
Work: Spent most of my summer working full-time teaching a class of 2 year olds. The teacher I worked with seemed bipolar because she would just stop talking to me for a few days. It's hard to teach when that happens. I was glad to be done with it. I'll miss my kiddos, but God really opened my eyes that I am supposed to teach older kids.
Family: My grandma Stanley had a stroke on June 24th - she spent a week in the hospital before we took her home on hospice so she could be in the comfort of her own home. My mom took care of her 24/7 until Grandma passed away on Friday July 13th. (Just mark that up on the list of why my mom is my hero) I sang at Grandma's funeral, which was a big honor for me. There are times when I still can't believe she's gone. With the majority of our huge family here for most of the 3 weeks between the stroke and her death, it really didn't hit home. Now it hits home at weird times. I cried at the Celebration because Sheena Easton sang a song about angels. I miss her a lot...Grandma, not Sheena Easton.
I spent almost 2 weeks with my brother, sister-in-law, and 2 nephews while I attended a CGI training in St. Louis. It was good to spend time with them. I am excited to be down by them again soon. I hope it is in God's plans for them to stay there.
School: It's my last year at GC. Can this really be possible? It would be an understatement if I said I was scared to death about what next May will bring. The emotions about this upcoming roller coaster of a year set in from time to time, and I think I will save this for another blog.
Etc: (This is going to be random) Devin and I broke up before Graduation. It was the best thing to happen. I don't think I realized how ready I was for it to be over until it happened. There's so much I want to do right now. I've decided I want to get my Masters and my PHD. There's no way that would have happened if I would have married him. No offense to him, but it just wouldn't have worked in the end. The Decatur Celebration was this weekend, and that was a lot of fun....being part of the 21+ crowd (meaning I just got to wear a cool bracelet), seeing people from high school (which was mildly uncomfortable), Point of Grace concert, and more. Nothing beats the Celebration....or something like that. I have so much left to do before I leave on Saturday.
New Blog: I decided that since I'm starting a new chapter in my life soon that it was time to get a new blog. Xanga has kept me good company in my years of a student at GC, but I think I'm going to move on. Find me at http://msstanley08.blogspot.com
Thanks for the ride, Xanga.
-Tressa
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| - I can't wait for this summer.
- I can't wait to be at home again for three months.
- I can't wait to start my new job.
- I can't wait to be in my Sunday School class again.
- I can't wait for late nights at the Waltrips.
- I can't wait to sleep in my own bed again.
- I can't wait to go out on the boat all the time.
- I can't wait to hang out with Chris and Cloyd.
- I can't wait to see my friends.
- I can't wait to go to Boat Club parties.
- I can't wait to watch Mama's Family with my mom.
- I can't wait for Panera dates with Katie!
- I can't wait to hang out with my family.
- I can't wait to relax.
- I can't wait to scrapbook.
Oh man...I'm so excited for next Sunday. However, as exciting as this summer will be, I'm sad about a few things.
- Brent, Diana, and the boys don't live in Decatur anymore.
- Em will be in Pennsylvania.
- I'm going to miss Kendra and Katie.
I'm sure there's more..but let's focus on the positives. I'm so ready for next Sunday to be here...I am coming home right after graduation and going straight to the Waltrips!!! Sunday can't come soon enough!!!
Today is my nephew's 3rd birthday. I can't believe this. It seems like just yesterday....Happy Birthday, Blake!
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| part of my heart. God, help me rely on you. |
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| It's funny how much people think they know you, but then they open their mouths and you realize...they have no idea.
How sad.
2 weeks until I go home.
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| There once was a time when I was normal...when I wasn't a statistic.
Is it bad that everything in my life is defined as being before or after that night?
Oh to be 16 again...and not have to worry about that night.
I would have done so many things differently.
It's too late now...and for some reason, I still can't move past it.
Why does it still haunt me to this day?
Why do I still see it at night as I'm falling asleep?
I want to be rid of this feeling of helplessness that I feel everytime I see his face again.
I hate him...I don't hate people, but I hate him. But, I want him to be successful in life. Is that really possible?
I want to hate myself. People tell me that it's not my fault, but what do I say when I believe it was...that I could have done something to stop it.
Why do I still go through this?
I just want to be normal again.
I can't believe time has gone on since then.
My life has, but I haven't moved on.
I can't find the courage to.
I still blame God some nights. I still yell at Him and tell Him I can't stand Him for letting me go through it.
I want this to be in my past and to never think about it again.
I know it won't happen, but I just want to be normal.
I hate carrying this much baggage.
I just wish it would go away so things could be different.
It's not fair.
Sorry I'm so emo.
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